The more the news comes out of Vegas, the more it looks like this is just another rich white guy looking to put himself in the record books. Not every rich white guy can be President or Governor, killing big African lions is no longer cool, shooting tens of thousands of buffalo out of trains is no longer a thing you can do, and building an army to overthrow a Latin or Pacific nation is not allowed any more. In fact, all the things rich white guys used to do for fun – like killing big animals, overthrowing governments, raping non-white women and killing their husbands, or even running for office or sexually exploiting as many women as possible – all those things can get you in trouble – so the obvious solution is to get yourself in the record books and then kill yourself. Nothing makes the news like breaking the record for mass killings…and then you shoot yourself and nobody can do anything to you! It’s a great new sport…look for more rich white guys to find ways to fuck the world and then kill themselves before they can get in trouble. We’re going to have to start a new record book – the Douchebag Book of World Record Atrocities. Here are some records we can look to be broken soon:
Largest mass poisoning in US History
Largest mass raping in US History
Largest genocide in US History
Largest chemical spill in US History
Largest environmental disaster in US History
Largest election rig in US History
The only thing the rest of us can look forward to is those rich white douchebags killing themselves after they make their attempts to fuck the rest of us. Of course, I’m being silly – it’s not a new thing at all. Rich white men have been fucking us all for a long long long long time. The only difference is that hopefully they won’t get out of it alive any longer.