How to Overcome Marital Monotony

When you first meet someone and start a relationship that has promise for a long-term future, there is a thing called “the honeymoon phase.” According to Ask Men, that initial honeymoon phase typically lasts around six months. At that point, there is a kind of “fork in the road” and you both have more or less decided that you don’t hate each other. But at the same time, much of the time spent together during those early months of dating is taken up with getting to know one another, becoming emotionally and physically intimate with each other for the first time, and having casual fun together. Once those first six months are through, a couple normally makes a decision (either consciously or unconsciously) about whether the relationship is worth pursuing more seriously, and more long-term.

marriage valleyLet’s say the couple decides to stick together, that the joy of the honeymoon phase is indicative of a bright future life together. Let’s say that the couple continues dating, gets more serious, and eventually gets married. Then, there is a thing called the actual honeymoon. Honeymoons are a leftover cultural remnantfrom “Norse culture when men used to literally kidnap their bride. The idea was that they would take the bride away into hiding and not appear in public again until she was pregnant.”

Fortunately, that is not still the object of the game, honeymoon-wise, but many couples cite the honeymoon as their favorite part of getting married, as it is a time to get away from friends and family and all the stresses that inevitably come with planning a wedding. The early years of marriage can be hard, especially as the couple readjusts to life together as a legally bound pair. But they can also be times of great fun, spontaneity, exploration in the bedroom, travel, deep intimacy, and exciting planning for the future.

Let’s say the couple makes it through those early years and then decides to have kids. The honeymoon phase is over. The actual honeymoon is over. There are new, massive responsibilities that the couple has, and kids are the priority.

But just because you’ve been together for a long time and the honeymoon is in the rear view mirror doesn’t mean the passion and romance have to be a thing of the past, too. In fact, couples can achieve greater sexual and emotional intimacy the longer they’ve been together. It is totally normal for sex to take a little nosedive right after having kids, especially the first one. But there are plenty of things you can to to re-light that old flame, to take a little trip back to honeymoon-town one weekend while the kids are at grandma’s, or even just revisit some of the thrills of the honeymoon phase once the kids go to sleep.

To bring some excitement back into the bedroom after monotony sets in, here are some ideas:

    • Be spontaneous. Turn the TV off and get busy on a Wednesday night.
    • Try something new. According to Adam & Eve, “whether you’re looking for the straight up naughty or the romantic and sweet,” toys or couple’s kits are the perfect way to spice things up. Bringing a toy, sexy costume, naughty game, scented massage oil, or flavored lubricant can be an unexpected and fun way to bring back the honeymoon phase.
    • Talk about it. Sending sweet or sexy texts throughout the day can build anticipation for later that night, and mentioning things your spouse does in the bedroom that really get you going can help rev you up for romantic time later.


Just remember that it’s normal to experience a little dip in bedroom excitement as the relationship matures and be willing to try new things to keep that fire alive!