My Alternate CV – Just in Case

kiddishesMy alternate CV:

Dishwashing Dude looking for a job where I don’t have to think and where I go home with clean hands each night.

Work Experience:
1998-2013 – No Relevant Work Experience – was working in tech, social media, and travel but always insisted on washing the dishes at home.
1996-1998 – The Station Pub – Bellingham, WA – Technically, I was a bartender, but I also had to wash all the glasses. Left when automatic dishwasher was installed.
1997- Anna’s Caddyshack – Dishwasher. Quit when promoted to Sous Chef
1994-1996 – Top of the Tower – Raleigh, NC. I started as a dishwasher but was unwillingly promoted to head bartender because of my incredible people skills. I still snuck in and washed the dishes.
1990-1994 – US Marine Corps. They only allowed me to work in the pot-shack for a month during mess and maintenance duty and then I was forced to go to my assigned job of Senior Radar Air Traffic Control Supervisor. I wanted to wash dishes but my test scores were too high.
1988-1990- JJ North’s Chuckwagon. Dishwasher and occasional busboy.
1987- Scandals Restaurant – Dishwasher. Left when promoted to Sous Chef.
1983-1986 – North Shore Tavern. I had to work under the table for the first three years because I was underage for employment. Resisted efforts to be made into a chef or waiter but in the end had to quit when they promoted me to Sous Chef.
1980-1983 – Newspaper route and assigned chores at home of dishwashing nightly.
1971-1980 – Not allowed to wash the dishes because too young.
1970 – Washed fake dishes in the womb, parents mistakenly assumed I was ‘kicking’