L33t – a collaborative element story by Vago Damitio
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Okay…technically it’s a new day so I’m going to post the next daily collaborative element story. It was too fun to wait, so I wrote it now instead of later. Here is the thread where the elements were provided…
And all of the collaborative element stories so far can be found at http://posterous.vagobond.com
“What have I done to deserve this?”
With outrage coursing through his veins he screamed at the sky, demanding answers that he knew he would never receive. A lifetime’s worth of frustration leading to this demand from his creator. 187 blarths of matter packed into one body that stood only five flennings and that on tip toes… still the rage had to go somewhere and he knew not where to direct it than upwards from the steel-soil of Trinpolo V, the city-state of his birth and home to the Barwhari Clan.
“Give me answers – I beg of you!” his words fell into the sky before dropping into the ocean surrounding the artificial ground of his not so recent birthing. Having lived just 240 seasons of the third moon, he was set to begin his adult-quest at which point he would be given the chance to enter the breeding chamber to prove his genetic suitability. Lifting his well muscled arm he shook it at the sky. “Why have you done this to me?”
He was momentarily shocked to hear a reply.
“wh47 12 17 7H47 J00 R 50 uP5e7 480U7 70574d4808?” he spun quickly and lost all of his surprise when he saw his personal droid, L33t – flashing a holographic display of it’s words into the vacant air in front of it.
“What a piece of junk,” he mumbled looking at L33t’s rusty servos and salt damaged titanium shell. “What am I upset about? Isn’t it obvious?”
“aC7uAlly Ma573R 7O57Ada8O8, 17’2 nO7. WoULD U cAr3 7O ofF3R MOR3 1nFoRmA71oN?” The red letters made a slight sizzling sound as they appeared in the air. One thing you learned when you dealt with a b-class retro protocal droid was that they didn’t have any sense of the universal. Everything had to be explained.
“Not that you would understand L33t, but I’m fairly pissed off at this name. Here we are living on a platform created in the middle of the ocean. I live under three moons, am about to engage on the purpose of my life, in a city made from artificial platforms in the center of the Great Ocean of Calibratambia. I’m a member of the Barwhari Clan of Trinpolo and my best friend is a robot and that bastard author has the nerve to name me Tostada Bob! Give me a break – this is Year of Prantash Karuba 58875 on a distant planet in a galaxy far far away and he gives me a three letter name attached to a Mexican food moniker? It’s just not right! I’ve been dealing with this for 240 seasons of the third moon and there he sits typing away at his computer – the best he can do is to call me Tostada Bob?”
Turning back to the sky he shook his fist. “I demand answers you grape eating monkey-fish! What are you some kind of homeless wookie-geek? How dare you do this to me!”
At this point, the author was more than a little disturbed and decided to consider Tostada Bob’s success. A booming voice came from the sea “From this day forward your name will be Baraboma.” And with that the wookie author threw a bone to his angry protaganist.
It was however, not well met.
“What the hell is that? I ask you for a great name and you simply put the two names of a President together? Frankly, I think Tostada Bob was better.” He continued shaking his fist as all angry protaganists sometimes do.
The author was none too pleased “You call me a wookie and expect me to do you favors? – from this point forward your name is Namby Pamby.” The newly named Namby-Pamby was certainly not going to take this lying down. Namby-Pamby decided to abandon his quest for an energy source to save his homeland which was now far past it’s maximum capacity of 5000 souls – he would kill himself by plummeting to his death in the dangerous waters and being eaten by the elemental forces that filled it. He would become one with the light-rogs and end this horrible story before it could begin.
The only problem was that the author was one step ahead of him and put him in a motorized wheelchair that was pre-programmed to protect it’s occupant at all costs. He could no longer kill himself.
“What am I to do?” he shouted. For a moment there was no answer but as usually happened, his hyperactive best friend L33t decided to take matters into his own servos and offered a solution.
““1 5U99357 4 n3W 57R4739y, N4M8Y-p4m8Y. L37 73h W00k133 w1N.” It was his only hope. L33t saw what he had missed – there is no way to win against he who writes your destiny.
“Okay, okay – give me my old name back. Please.” The man who had recently been Namby-Pamby was now freed from the dreadful name and out of gratitude for this unexpectedly compliant behavior the author now called him Tostatabob.
“Hmmm…that’s not bad,” Tostadabob said to his droid. “It’s amazing what a difference a little space can make.”
L33t wasn’t surprised but felt it was now his duty to bring Tostadabob back to the task at hand. He needed to discover a way to create enough power to operate the food replicators and air scrubbers for the balooning population of Trinpolo V.
It turned out that the solution was under his feet all along and since the author had somehow neglected to collect an impediment to Tostabob’s desire, all of the pieces quickly fell into place. Stepping out of the wheelchair he was no longer confined to he walked backwards into the nearby electrical supply hut to get a screwdriver and a length of gestilabrac cable.
“Why d0 j00 4lW4y2 90 84ckw4Rd2 7Hr0U9H d00R2?” L33t demanded in hot pink letters as he manicly circled around the safety edges of the platform and repeatedly poked his arms and eyepods out and then in and then out and then in and then out and then in…
“It’s bad luck to go through doors front ways – it’s the fastest way to let an Iliac spoor take root in your anus. They always get you from behind and they have to take root inside. Besides, it’s bad luck,” L33t kept darting in and out while Tostadabob wrapped the gestilabrac cable around the wheelchair and then ran it to the inverted triple condense power supply. “That should just about do it…”
L33t’s curiosity was only exceeded by his hyperactivity.
“Come look L33t,” Tostadabob motioned to the droid. As the droid came closer to inspect his handywork he jammed the screwdriver into the leg servos.
“h3Lp. MUrD3R. H3lp. H3’2 90In’ 70 Phr49 M3H. n4m8Y-p4M8Y H42 90N3 in54n3.” There was no one nearby to hear the droids screams and the author ignored them since he was curious how Tostadabob planned to power the entire independent nation of Trinpolo V (which, just to be clear was made up of massive platforms anchored to the seabottom but also able to float free in the event of a catastrophic event…just in case you were curious.)
Once the droid was strapped in place, Tostadabob gave the wheelchair a shove and it plunged over the side falling to within inches of the light-rogs waiting below. As they snapped upwards at the now helpless L33t, their energy was captured by the gestilabrac cable and routed into the power grid. While it was amazing that no one had thought to harness the power of the light-rogs like this before, the solution was viable and Tostadabob knew in an instant that on the following day he would have his choice of the maidens in the breeding chamber.
He knew he should feel sad about using his best friend in this way, but the truth was – L33t speak had begun to annoy him at least 200 3rd moons ago. He smiled to himself. It looked like Year of Prantash Karuba 58875 was going to be okay after all. As he turned backwards to re-enter his clan dome as a hero – he knew that somewhere in the year 2011, the author too was glad to be rid of L33t.
Here are the elements from this story – as you can see- I got excited and forgot to get element #5 so I included that fact in the story. ~Vago
Please provide one of the following:
1) name -our hero is named… Tostadabob.
2) age, ethnicity, ht and wt – 240 seasons of the Third Moon old, of the Barwhari Clan of the Trinpolo, forty five flennings tall, and weighing in at a robust 187 blarths.
3) odd characteristic – thinks it’s bad luck to walk into doors front first – so walks in backwards
4) greatest desire – greatest desire: finding sources of energy that will support overpopulated country.
5) impediment to desire
6) location – Location: offshore “independent country”, built by combining rigs anchored to the sea bottom, but capable of floating free if needed. The country was crafted to hold 5,000- currently straining at 7,000 souls.
7) year Year of Prantash Karuba 58875
8) genre – sci fi
9) odd prop – a hyperactive robot who speaks exclusively in l33t, as in “l three three t”.
10) worst enemy – the author