It’s Time for a New Jesus Story

Everyone loves Jesus. Whether you think he was the son of God, a myth, a real person, a story – or whatever – it’s pretty much impossible not to love Jesus Christ of Nazareth. He loved people, he shared his food, he didn’t judge anyone, he walked the Earth and practiced loving kindness.

He gave us such gems as “The meek shall inherit the Earth” “Give to Caesar that which is Caesar’s ” “Turn the other cheek” “Love thy neighbor as thou would be loved” and “Forgive them Father for they know not what they do” – I mean, Jesus was amazing. He didn’t get angry when his neighbors decided to bury some woman under a bunch of rocks after killing her by throwing the rocks at her – instead he just said. “Let him who has not sinned throw the first stone” – they were all embarrassed and dropped their rocks – but once he left, they probably picked them up again and killed the woman.

And that’s the problem with Jesus. He was incredibly naive and blind to the true nature of most humans. He said “…they know not what they do” in regards to the people hitting him with branches, nailing him to some boards, and pelting him with stones – but he was wrong. Those motherfuckers knew exactly what they were doing.

Jesus was wrong about a lot of things. “The meek shall inherit the Earth” bullshit – the conniving, greedy, dishonest, sociopaths shall destroy the fucking Earth. They are doing it. They’ve been doing it all along. Meanwhile, all of the people who actually do know better, the people who see what is happening have been turning the other cheek and being anally gang raped while they attempt to love the pricks who are fucking them to death as they would be loved.

Meanwhile, those same assholes have cut and pasted the scripture that suits them and use it to force more victims to submit to their destructive, homicidal (and suicidal), and bat shit fucking crazy greed driven agenda. The meek aren’t going to inherit shit except an uninhabitable planet, a grim and painful death, and the creation of a literal hell on Earth. We’re already there friends. This ain’t the fucking ‘Good Place’.

We need a new Jesus story.

Fighting Jesus

We need a fighting messiah! We deserve a royal ass kicker who uses his crown to strangle the unjust. We require a no holds barred, tell it like it is, call out the bullshit and serve it a death sentence spiritual leader who punishes the guilty, raises up the good, and humiliates the hypocrites. We don’t need a bullshit ‘prince of peace’ to lead us to salvation after death…we need an unforgiving revolutionary hero who fights tooth and nail for what is right and offers no quarter in the fight to save our planet, our souls, our god-forsaken humanity.

There are already several incredibly kick-ass Jesus stories to help us find our way. First, let’s not forget that Jesus went into the temple to talk about God and meditate on life and he found a bunch of slimy money lenders disrupting the peace of the temple. Did he let the meek inherit the Earth? Did he leave? Did he turn the other cheek or treat them as he wanted to be treated? Fuck no. He freaked the fuck out and started breaking tables and picking up motherfuckers and tossing them out. This might be the last of the true stories left from the true Jesus.

Muslims revere Jesus. Yes, you read that right you ignorant so called Christian fucks. Muslims believe that Jesus never died but God grabbed him and took him to heaven saying “this is one tough son of a bitch, I can use a tough man like him to lead my armies at the end of time”

Muslims believe that at the end of the world – the armies of darkness will be in control and they will be destroying the planet and killing all life on it and at that time, God will raise up an army of the righteous and send Jesus back down to Earth to lead those armies to victory – not by sitting peacefully and wishing for a better world – but by killing and destroying those who have taken it and are destroying it. Jesus is coming back and he isn’t bringing peace and light and forgiveness – he’s coming back to kill the bankers, the polluters, the liars, the cheats, the swindlers, the abusers, the bullies, and the hypocrites. Jesus won’t be alone, he’ll be joining a new hero who raises up an army of the righteous. That new hero is called the “Mehdi”.

All the idiotic Christian hypocrites are waiting for Jesus to come and save them but he’s not coming to save them – he’s coming to rid the world of them. The Muslims have the right idea. We need a Jesus like that.

Don’t get me wrong. There are plenty of good Christians – unfortunately they are following a gospel that was written to control them and keep them meek, submissive, and enslaved. The real Christians and Muslims are quietly fighting, resisting, biding their time, waiting for the right moment to strike. Meanwhile, the fake Christians and their allies are starting wars, destroying the planet, enslaving children for profit, putting profits over people, and generally just having a good time making this world a living hell for the rest of us.

We need the Fighting Jesus. We need some new Jesus stories. They’re coming.