Fear and Hesitation

At the moment – this moment – as I look at my daughter, I feel a moment of fear and hesitation about all that I am planning for us. an older man said to me recently something like “When you have children, especially small children, it’s your job to stay in one place and provide a stable and safe environment for them.” He’s right. I know he is right – except I also know that it is just not that simple. Safety is not something we can be sure of – especially in the United States right now at this very strange point in 2017. I don’t know when or where the next school shooting will be, but the odds are very much stacked towards it happening in the United States and a bunch of innocent children being killed. As I think about that my eyes tear up as I remember Newtown and all the other tragedies and my guts wrench as I think about the American society of hatred where guns are more populous than people. So if I want to provide safety for my daughter than it makes sense to not live in the United States or North America for that matter. Stability is another thing – is there stability in a society that doesn’t know whether there is a government to care for us, one that we can trust – or one that is chipping away at our freedoms and turning us into slaves – and that can turn on us at any moment and lock us up, arrest us, or change the rules without notice. Yes, children need stability, but the only stability they really need is the stability of love, caring, respect, and the constancy of parents and other adults around them who love them, nurture them, and help them to grow into the best possible version of themselves. It’s hard to provide that when both parents are slogging away at stressful jobs 40+ hours a week and then tuning into the television and internet (at best) or drugs and alcohol (at worst). That is what I see when I look at the radioactive American Nuclear Family…and all it leads to is despair and instability in the personality of the child. As for staying in one place – I suppose that would be a good idea if you were in a place where you could provide stability and safety to your child – but I am not. I’d like to find that place, but what I can provide is being a person that is in one place – psychologically. My child is precious – as every child should be to her or his parents. I make no decisions without considering the effect on her. My moment of fear and hesitation has passed, but there will be more.