It was Mike’s bachelor party and he brought in his best mates from all over the country. Guys he’d grown up with in your state, his Army buddies from all over the country, college friends from NYU and UCLA Medical school, and some colleagues from Boston General and his internship in Seattle. In short, it was a great party and guys from all over the country came. It was a classic Vegas party even inculding the incredibly dirty pair of strippers doing a lesbian sex show in the suite of the hotel – which was ruined when one of them started puking blood all over the place. They all thought she was a drunk druggie whore – but no, the truth was simpler. She had Ebola.
(Note for clarity: Ebola is a virus which is passed via bodily fluids, not an STD but of course bodily fluids are often shared during sex)
To be fair, she was a drunk druggie whore – and she’d gotten Ebola from a John who had fucked a stripper who worked in a bar where a guy from Iowa had come after he found out the nurse he was engaged to had been diagnosed in Dallas with Ebola after she was assured she was safe taking care of the guy who had brought Ebola to the United States from Liberia where he had helped an Ebola victim who was pregnant go to the hospital only to have her be turned away and how she got it was a whole ‘nother story. She was married to a guy who helped pick a woman up off the street when she collapsed and was thrown from a bus and she’d gotten the disease by taking care of her son who was a hard working student in a poor school, who got it from a girl that had come from the country because her whole family was ill, who got it because they were nice people who took care of a guy they knew…and it goes on and on…to a guy in the Congo eating meat he killed in the forest back in 1974 or so…oops.
But back to John’s awesome party ( oh wait, it was Mike’s but guess what, John’s party had the same thing happen but with different people…trippy) – so they all went home and only half of them passed the disease on – so it goes like this:
10 at the party
5 get the disease and interact with 200 people
only 500 get the disease and interact 200 people
50,000 get the disease and interact with 200 people
5 million get the disease and interact with 200 people
1 Billion get the disease and interact with 200 people
Everyone gets Ebola and 5.7 billion people die….the rest survive and the world is suddenly super cool and filled with infinite possibilities. Life is awesome. Everything is awesome. Ebola is awesome. Ebola makes life worth living. Awesome.
Ebola is awesome … at least for the people 500 years from now. For everyone else, it pretty much sucks.