We the Scary Arab Clowns are sick of all this spiritual mumbo jumbo. We are tired of those that don’t see the end of civilization as hilarious. We are tired of being the lapdog of stupid Vago.
We didn’t digg your stuff either Vago! You and the three people that did digg it can go to clown hell!
Up yours Vago! We made our own website at Clownjazeera.com and we suspect that if you have any readers they will follow us there.
We thumb our nose at you and your three “Digg” friends Vago and we think the other people would prefer to follow us because all we ask of them is that they continue to ignore you!
Up yours up yours up yours up yours up yours. !
Your Dad doesn’t like you, your ‘readers’ don’t like you, and we don’t like you either. Chump!
Mwah ha ha ha ha ha ha.
When the going gets tough, the tough get creative. The Iranian people absolutely kick ass. Check out this incredible form of protest in the wake of being shut off the internet and the streets becoming dangerous:
the government shut down mobile networks, and for perhaps the first time since the June 12 presidential election, the Internet was disconnected for several hours late Tuesday night. But protests appear to be coordinated and to be taking other forms apart from street action: on Tuesday, for example, thousands of disgruntled Tehranis tried to bring down the electrical grid at 9 p.m. by simultaneously turning on household appliances like irons, water heaters and toasters. Streets lights in the eastern suburb of Tehran Pars reportedly went off shortly after this,
You can do it!
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I have been busting my tail to get all of this into a book for everyone. I tried to produce it as cheaply and quickly as possible so that I could keep the cost down below $10. The cost is $9.50.
In this book, I have condensed what I think are the most important messages of my life.
I framed the book around the Holy Month of Ramadan coming up in August of 2009. The book is non-denominational meaning that it is appropriate for everyone regardless of religion. There are no conflicts with ideology of any sort.
Downloads of the book are $3 each.
If you buy the book it is $9.50 printed for one.
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If you buy 100 books and send me a copy of your lulu receipt, I will send you $150 after the 30 day waiting period.
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We, the Scary Arab Clowns, have decided that while some people are scared of clowns and others find joy in them, that we prefer to be the harbingers of doom.
We laugh at the American economy as it ‘rises’. We are not there, but we seriously doubt that these ‘indicators’ are improving the lives of the vast majority of the people.
In fact, we think it might be the worst winter since the year 1346 A.D.
The Black Death is estimated to have killed 30% to 60% of Europe’s population, reducing the world’s population from an estimated 450 million to between 350 and 375 million in 1400. This has been seen as creating a series of religious, social and economic upheavals which had profound effects on the course of European history. The plague returned at various times, resulting in a larger number of deaths, until it left Europe in the nineteenth century.
Here are a few of the bright spots of good news we see today with some in-depth clown analysis after each.
In the United States, there is ‘good news’ from California as a budget deal has finally been reached.But is it actually good news?
Indeed, the cuts will be severe, and the Golden State that Governors Earl Warren and Pat Brown built in the middle of the past century will be further damaged. Local community governments, already hard-pressed by the recession and lower revenues, will now lose at least $2 billion to the state with the promise to repay when the fiscal situation improves. The higher-education system, including the University of California, is being hit by $2 billion in cuts. The public schools, already struggling with large class sizes and less technical and support services, must cut an additional $9.5 billion and will lose thousands of teachers and staff. Tens of thousands of seniors and children will lose access to health care at a time when the national government is debating universal health coverage. The entire state workforce, except forest-fire crews and the California Highway Patrol, is on a mandatory three-day furlough each month.
Our in depth analysis of this is pretty simple. California is saved for the moment. The price was the welfare of her senior citizens, school children, families, and small business. Conclusion: California is totally fucked and will soon be more of a third world country than Cuba but without the safety net of the communists. So this is not good news in any way shape or form.
The same sort of thing is happening in the broader world community.
The United Nations on Tuesday revealed a record $4.8 billion funding gap for its 2009 aid programs due to strained foreign assistance levels and a ten-fold increase in needs in Pakistan.
“It is clear that the global recession puts pressure on the aid budgets of all donor governments, but of course it puts immeasurably more pressure on crises-stricken people in poor countries,” said U.N. emergency relief coordinator John Holmes.
Holmes said in a statement the U.N. has received less than half the $9.5 billion it sought for humanitarian work this year.
Our analysis? Better pray that there aren’t any earthquakes or tsunamis this year. And guess what? Without the UN and NGO relief efforts, disease will spread like wildfire in refugee and survivor communities. And as we have pointed out before, H1N1 hasn’t shown us a thing yet. Seeds were planted in the spring, and the harvest will come in the fall and winter.
The H1N1 virus has killed more than 700 people worldwide since emerging in April, and countries could consider closing schools to slow its spread, the World Health Organization (WHO) said on Tuesday.
We think that we will see some major disasters over the next 7 months and there will be insufficient aid response which in turn will create the largest humanitarian disasters in history. This in turn will bring on the beginning of the new plague as H1N1 matures and spreads incredibly fast through 2nd and 3rd world nations leaving a trail of dead youth in it’s wake.
Meanwhile, the fanatics will rise up. Don’t think these fanatics aren’t scarier than we are:
A leadership vacuum has followed the deaths of prominent national leaders, such as the Rev. Jerry Falwell, and the retirement of others, such as James Dobson.
The economy is trumping the social issues that galvanized Christian conservatives in the past, and many feel the country has become less attuned to their values.
The religious right is in crisis, said James Wellman, a University of Washington associate professor of American religion. “I don’t think they know what they’re going to do next.”
But there is good news…
Astronomers say Jupiter has apparently been struck by an object, possibly a comet.
And then there is this weeks solar eclipse:
Indian astrologers are predicting violence and turmoil across the world as a result of this week’s total solar eclipse, which the superstitious and religious view as a sign of potential doom.
In Hindu mythology, the two demons Rahu and Ketu are said to “swallow” the sun during eclipses, snuffing out its life-giving light and causing food to become inedible and water undrinkable.
Pregnant women are advised to stay indoors to prevent their babies developing birth defects, while prayers, fasting and ritual bathing, particularly in holy rivers, are encouraged.
It is not just in India that some are uneasy about what will transpire because of the eclipse.
In ancient China they were often associated with disasters, the death of an emperor or other dark events, and similar superstitions persist.
“The probability for unrest or war to take place in years when a solar eclipse happens is 95 percent,” announced an article that attracted a lot of hits on the popular Chinese web portal Baidu.com.
Among the six largest U.S. banks, JPMorgan is the only one not to lose money in any quarter since the recession began in 2007.
JPMorgan Chase & Co said record investment banking fees helped drive a 36 percent rise in quarterly profit, topping Wall Street forecasts, but warned that credit quality in consumer mortgages and credit cards is deteriorating faster than it expected.
Though the second-largest U.S. bank is widely considered among the healthiest of the nation’s major lenders, the amount set aside for bad loans in the quarter more than doubled from a year earlier, to $9.7 billion.
It said a surge in credit card and loan losses was likely to worsen.
As for those of you who are not JP Morgan, well, we think you are probably fucked. We expect the recession to continue for the next three years and we see a major correction coming in October/November of 2009. Foreclosures in the USA will continue to rise and the analysts and government will continue to express their surprise at the numbers.
U.S. home foreclosure activity galloped to a record in the first half of the year, overwhelming broad efforts to remedy failing loans while job losses escalated.
Foreclosure filings jumped to a record 1.9 million on more than 1.5 million properties in the first six months of the year, RealtyTrac said on Thursday.
The number of properties drawing filings, which include notices of default and auctions, jumped 9.0 percent from the second half of 2008 and almost 15 percent from the first half of last year.
“Despite everybody’s best efforts to date we’re not really making any headway against the problem,” Rick Sharga, senior vice president at RealtyTrac in Irvine, California, said in an interview.
Problems emanating from loans made when standards were much looser have taken a back seat to defaults stemming from job losses and wage cuts.
“Unemployment-related foreclosures account for much of this increased activity, and the high number of borrowers who find themselves owing more on their mortgages than their homes are now worth represent a potentially significant future risk,” James J. Saccacio, RealtyTrac chief executive, in a statement.
So let’s think about this for a second. More people are losing their jobs, not making their housing payments, losing their houses, or losing the equity in their houses, not spending and thus not supporting other businesses, creating layoffs where people can’t make their housing payments….yes, this is a viscous circle.
We see credit card and student loan default rising to levels that no one is willing to talk about at the moment. We suspect that many state governments are trying to figure out how to take federal tax dollars in order to meet increasingly out of control budgets. We also are certain that even though it is fiscal mismanagement and choking bureaucracies that have bankrupted many of the states, that the victims will be social programs. Not only does business in the Western World no longer feel a responsibility for employees, but we are also seeing government stepping back from responsibility to its citizens.
California, which would be the world’s eighth largest economy if it were an independent nation, has issued IOUs to vendors as well as taxpayers owed refunds to save cash for servicing of state bonds and other priorities payments.
We also expect that inflation is coming to a store near you very soon. We expect that as these problems continue in the U.S. that the value of the dollar will plummet and that a secondary world currency will arise. We are fairly certain that it will not be the Euro though since the Euro was constructed by U.S. economists who engineered a back door into it so that they could deflate it at will. At the moment there are many competing interests who are trying to create a world currency. We are certain that it will happen within the next 20 years. Our instincts tell us that the new currency will be dominated by China, Canada, and Russia.
The shattered housing market and the weak labor market are going hand in hand, and as more Americans lose their homes, a robust consumer-lead economic recovery looks less likely.
And here we see a sign of inflation that no one expected:
A New Hampshire man says he swiped his debit card at a gas station to buy a pack of cigarettes and was charged over 23 quadrillion dollars.
Josh Muszynski (Moo-SIN’-ski) checked his account online a few hours later and saw the 17-digit number a stunning $23,148,855,308,184,500 (twenty-three quadrillion, one hundred forty-eight trillion, eight hundred fifty-five billion, three hundred eight million, one hundred eighty-four thousand, five hundred dollars).
Muszynski says he spent two hours on the phone with Bank of America trying to sort out the string of numbers and the $15 overdraft fee.
We, the Scary Arab Clowns enjoy the fact that there really isn’t anything funny about the news we cover with our Clownjazeera reports. We think that in general the reason why there is news in the first place is because humans are masochistic and enjoy being tortured with the ‘what if…’ of the end of their own existence. Those who are living aren’t reading the news and those who are laughing certainly aren’t. And yet, we don’t really find clowns to be funny either. We are scary arab clowns after all reporting on news that isn’t funny at all….
For instance we find this to be profound in its significance rather than funny:
Continuing a recent tradition, Google Inc. Chief Executive Eric Schmidt held court with the press Thursday at the Allen & Co. conference in Sun Valley, Idaho, where he called the current economy “the new normal.”
Companies need to “figure out how to be happy and get our lives together in this new configuration,” Schmidt said, adding, “You can’t waste money, credit is tight.”
The tone of the conference on Day 3 continued to be somber. On a panel about global management, General Electric Co. Chief Executive Jeff Immelt lamented the state of education in the U.S., complaining that his company has to go outside the country for the best people. As for the economy, Martin Sorrell, the chairman and chief executive of advertising conglomerate WPP Group, told reporters, “We don’t see things improving.”
News Corp.’s Rupert Murdoch was also bearish. “I’m shocked at the business mood,” he told his Fox Business Network. “It’s going to take years and years, like five years at least, before we see any real growth coming out of this.”
We know, Murcoch is a clown but we think you can probably trust Google on this one. Things are not going to improve despite what the talking heads might say. Now if you are interested in funny…here is funny…The Marx Brothers in Morocco!
…the insane free-wheeling anarchy of the Marx Brothers early Paramount movies was neutered when they moved over to MGM in order to make them more sympathetic. Their 1946 comeback vehicle A Night in Casablanca, however, was a welcome return to the rudeness and irreverence of their earlier work and is, by far, the best of their later films.
A Night in Casablanca begins on the perfect note. The Casablanca police are rounding up the usual suspects after the latest murder. One cop spots Harpo leaning against a building and says, What are you doing? Holding up the building? Harpo nods yes, the cop pulls him away and the building collapses.
On the subject of Morocco though, we are concerned, it seems that perhaps the Obama administration is interested in destabalizing Morocco as they are asking the king to support Israel and now not supporting the King in his efforts to combat extremism….
Obama reversed U.S. policy on Western Sahara in a letter to Morocco’s King Mohammed in June, the sources said. The letter, which focused on a U.S. request for Morocco’s help to advance the Arab-Israeli peace process, ended with a reference to UN-sponsored talks on Western Sahara.
President Barack Obama has backed a Polisario state, ending U.S. support for a Moroccan plan to establish autonomy for Western Sahara. Morocco has warned the West that such a state could become a haven for Al Qaida and other terror organizations.
We hope we are misunderstanding all of this….essentially, we trust the King more than we trust the United States. There are too many rich companies in the US that are trying to get ahead, with the King, he is already ahead and what is of benefit to his country is of benefit to him.
We point to the following as something interesting and of no particular connection to anything else we’ve said, unless you can figure it out that is…
And if you think that is just bullshit, well, we’ve got some bullshit that isn’t funny at all. Another deserving candidate has been awarded a Darwin.
A charging bull gored a man to death Friday at Pamplona’s San Fermin festival, the first such fatality in nearly 15 years. Nine others were injured in a particularly dangerous and chaotic chapter of the running of the bulls.
Our cousins the Scary Rodeo Clowns find this hilarious. We project that the man who was killed was a drunken English college lad. We can think of a few people it’s fun to think it might have been though…
We will happily leave running with bulls to the Rodeo Clowns though, we are however considering branching out into being scary witches….
Somerset tourist attraction Wookey Hole caves is advertising for a “witch” who will be paid 80K pounds a year.
The successful candidate, who will be living in a “spacious” cave, has to cackle, not be allergic to cats and will be asked to perform “a range of tasks” including magic at an open audition scheduled for July 28.
But the appointee need not be scary.
“We want a friendly witch with a devilish element,” said Gayle Pennington, marketing assistant at the caves said on Wednesday.
We are reminded of the times that disaster seemed to follow Vago wherever he went when we read that California’s big earthquake may happen very soon:
Scientists have detected a spike in underground rumblings on a section of California’s San Andreas Fault that produced a magnitude-7.8 earthquake in 1857.
What these mysterious vibrations say about future earthquakes is far from certain. But some think the deep tremors suggest underground stress may be building up faster than expected and may indicate an increased risk of a major temblor.
“The fact that the tremors haven’t gone down means the time to the next earthquake may come sooner,” said Berkeley seismologist and lead researcher Robert Nadeau.
And while just about no one is scared of the dreaded swine flu these days, we still shudder to think of Ebola and apparently scientists have discovered Ebola in pigs for the first time. For those who don’t know, pigs act as a sort of mixing bowl where viruses from birds, monkeys, humans, and other critters sort of become soup and then jump from the pigs to other species (like humans) with sometimes devastating consequences…so don’t start hugging your pigs yet:
A form of ebola virus has been detected in pigs for the first time, raising concerns it could mutate and threaten humans, scientists report.
And as if we need more proof that Americans are becoming stupider, we find that the answer ‘don’t know’ being the most popular when asked about one’s country’s greatest achievements to be completely unacceptable:
A new Pew Research Center poll indicates that 27 percent of Americans say the nation’s greatest achievements are in science, medicine and technology, more than any category other than ‘don’t know.’
Just 54 percent understood that antibiotics do not kill viruses and fewer than half 46 percent knew that electrons are smaller than atoms. Only 32 percent of those polled believed human beings evolved naturally.
We understand that to kill a virus you need an anti-viral but we are not sure what the alternative to natural evolution is…unnatural evolution? Like zombies?
We the Scary Arab Clowns find the idea of spectacle to be amusing and disturbing at the same time. As professional performers we rely on the shocking, the obscene, the comedic, and the bizarre to draw in the spectator, however, we would never have guessed that a society would run on it as our nearly globalized but not yet world moves from one spectacle to another. No one uses the spectacle like the U.S. press though…
Consider Paris Hilton, in strong economic times she is made a spectacle with her million dollar handbags and shaved beaver but when times are tough, she is made all but invisible.
Then there are the protests and violence in Iran. We hate to tell you we told you so, but we told you what would happen. The spectacle of the twitter revolution was held up just long enough to make twitter a google junior and then the Iranians were left to die for their attempt at catching the world’s short attention span. Who is the President now? Oh yeah, the short psychotic guy.
Michael Jackson. Do we really need to say anything at all about this? At the moment of his death, the media began to act as if nothing else were happening…there were no more twitter updates on Iran, no more economic woe stories, and they barely covered a serial killer on the loose in a southern state. Personally, we think Michael Jackson was murdered by the Iranian mullahs. Of course there are more than a few single bullet theories…maybe they poisoned him with darvoset while the Obama admin poisoned him with percodan while Sarah Palin paid for him to be drugged with neosporin so that she could resign and take a $5 million book deal without too much notice…the neosporin was her idea. Single bullet theory anyone?
Meanwhile, North Korea has launched missiles and cyber attacks with just about no one noticing.
North Korea is suspected of launching a cyber attack that paralysed the websites of South Korean and United States government agencies, banks and businesses, the first such large-scale attack attempted by the isolated communist state.
The attack came as Kim Jong Il, the North Korean leader, made a rare appearance at a ceremony to mark the 15th anniversary of the death of his father, the founding president, Kim Il Sung.
The younger Mr Kim is believed to have suffered a stroke last August and dropped from view completely for several months.
The countrys notional head of state, Kim Yong Nam, told the gathering: We will sternly smash the US imperialist forces and South Korea’s puppet regime We will achieve the historical mission of national unification by realising Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong Ils policies.
And then there is the massive buildup and assault going on in Afghanistan. Are you so bored with this war that has outlasted World War II that you don’t want to know what is happening? Keystone cops varieties of fun…
K?ABUL | U.S. Marines trapped Taliban fighters in a residential compound and persuaded the insurgents to allow women and children to leave. The troops then moved in but discovered that the militants had slipped out, dressed in womens burqa robes.
We watched Obama’s meeting with the Russians yesterday with amusement. We are convinced that Mr. Putin is a racist and we wonder what he has to say about Obama…we also think most Russians are racist. Of course so are most Americans…
We can’t imagine that meeting went very well. We heard Putin did most of the talking.
Speaking of talking, we are alarmed by this news: British Scientists Create Sperm.
LONDON (AP) British scientists claim they have created human sperm from stem cells. But other experts have questioned their data.
Researchers at Newcastle University and the NorthEast England Stem Cell Institute say they used a new technique to derive what they described as sperm cells from embryonic stem cells.
Newcastle research leader Karim Nayernia says in a statement Wednesday that the technique would allow researchers to study how sperm develops and possibly help develop treatments for infertile men.
But many other British experts say they are unconvinced by the research. They also say the sperm cells created in the laboratory were clearly abnormal.
We, the Scary Arab Clowns have also created sperm in our labs. Oh wait, we mean in our testes.
The world of Mexican midget wrestling is in mourning after two of its most famous stars were apparently poisoned by fake prostitutes.
Brothers in armlocks Alberto and Alejandro Pérez Jiménez were found dead in a hotel room after being drugged and robbed.
The women who spiked the twins’ drinks are thought to be members of an organised crime gang who pose as prostitutes to attract victims.
They normally just knock out their victims but the dose proved too much for Alberto aka ‘La Parkita’ (Little Death) and Alejandro aka ‘Espectrito II’.
The 36-year-olds were veteran stars of the ‘Lucha Mini’ world of midget wrestling.
They began their fighting careers 17 years ago in a tag team called the Small Devils and sometimes crossed over into American WWF/WWE wrestling.
Skeleton-masked La Parkita fought at the WWF Royal Rumble showpiece events in 1997 and 1998 in a tag team alongside Lucha Mini legend and Hollywood actor Mascarita Sagrada.
At the 1997 Royal Rumble, he faced and beat a tag team featuring his brother, who was fighting under the name Mini Mankind.
Alejandro also fought at WWE events using the alias ‘Tarantula’. But it seems their wrestling careers were the last thing on their minds on Sunday night.
The luchadors picked up the two women after filming a TV fight show and took them to a hotel, according to police in Mexico City.
But while preparing for their ’bouts’ they appear to have had their alcoholic drinks spiked before being robbed.
The pair were found by cleaners at the hotel on Monday. Tests suggested they had not had sex with the women.
It is thought their size made them more vulnerable to the drugs the women put in their drinks.
Police suspect a gang known as The Leak or The Drops was involved in the incident and said 20 people were arrested for similar crimes last year.
Yesterday, there were conflicting reports as to whether the ‘prostitutes’ had been arrested.
alright…so nobody wanted californiatrail.info, hawaiitrail.info, or homocrat.com enough to renew them for $7 and propose an idea on how they would use them so I have let them expire.
so how about greensplanet.com?
This domain is registered with name.com and will expire soon. It will cost you $8.99 to renew it and a good idea to get me to transfer it to you. A name.com account is free.
Hurry before it expires too!