Bush Signs Bill Making Terrorism Illegal
WASHINGTON (CAP) – In a bold yet somewhat overdue move that is already having widespread ramifications in the war on terror, President Bush has signed into law a bill that makes terrorism illegal in the United States. The measure marks the first of its kind and is expected to be challenged in court.
“Heh, take that, terrorists,” said President Bush as he carefully formed what appeared to be a letter ‘G’ during the signing ceremony in the Oval Office. “Let’s see you do something now – I dare ya. No, wait, I double dare ya. Heh.”
The new law makes it a crime to be involved in terrorist activities on American soil, and is punishable by up to 30 days in jail and up to a $1,500 fine. Pundits on both sides of the political aisle are applauding the move as the missing link that could put an end to the war on terror.
“We spend millions in homeland security, upgrade and update the color threat levels, yet never take the simple step of just making terrorism illegal,” noted CAP News political analyst Tom Brashcott. “Been a long time coming, but I firmly believe America is now a safer place.”
In less than 24 hours since the law went into effect, Homeland Security officials say they’re seeing a huge drop in the amount of chatter between sleeper cells in the United States. Early reports are that embedded terrorists are packing up and leaving the country by the hundreds, if not thousands.
“Listen, I am a religious zealot, not a criminal,” said terrorist Mohmar il-Abdullah as he boarded a plane at Boston’s Logan Airport, bound for Cairo, Egypt. “Your government obviously is caring about you very much. I will go now, bye-bye.”
Despite the positive response to the law thus far, the American Civil Liberties Union has already filed a lawsuit in federal court, alleging that it violates the U.S. Constitution. According to court documents obtained by CAP News, the lawsuit was filed on behalf of all terrorists residing in the continental U.S.
“Hate the hate, not the haters,” said Rev. Jesse Jackson, who acknowledged that he is taking up the terrorists’ cause. “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – you cannot condemn if you’re not one of them.”
President Bush’s approval rating spiked to 11% following word of the new law.