Seargent Ramblin’ Man Reviews the Haggen Market
by Vago Damitio
AT-TEN-TION!! First of all let me tell you that there ain’t no place that serves chow like my beloved Marine Corps. When you make 15,000 servings of macaroni and cheese, you really get it down. Back in my training days I was never easy on my recruits and I’m not gonna be easy on any of these slacker restaurants either. Tell ‘em Seargent Ramblin’ Man is coming.
For my first inspection, I chose Haggen Market. I expected the worst, grocery stores are no place for a restaurant. I stepped into the chow line at the Asian foods. The other customers were standing further apart than they needed to be. There’s no reason to make people stand in the aisle, so I ordered them to close the gap. Assholes to belly buttons.
One old woman tried to disobey, but 15 push-ups convinced her that “assholes to bellybuttons” was the better alternative. The personnel behind the counter were friendly and efficient. I noted it in my report to the editor. I ordered the orange chicken with white rice and pot stickers. On an impulse I picked up some sushi before passing through the pay station. I doubted it would be good. I asked the clerk if she liked working there. To my surprise, she smiled and said, oh, it’s great, I’m really glad I work here.
Haggen runs a tight ship. Everything was spick-n-span, so it surprised me when the employees were not suffering from low morale. I sat in an uncomfortable cafeteria style booth. It wasn’t as comfortable as the NCO club. I summoned my willpower and tasted the horrible stuff. It was as bad as what passes for Chinese Food in Beijing…and the Sushi, it was the worst I’ve had since leaving Japan. I finished it, but dreamed of chipped beef on white toast. I left impressed none the less. They must treat they’re employees right. And the employees obviously care how the company appears to the public. They run a tight ship.
hygiene….10 (very clean, well managed)
efficiency….10 (average wait from entrance to eating 4.3 minutes)
consistency…10 (the food is always the same..exactly)
taste…6 (10 being as good as Marine chow halls)
authenticity….8 (as authentic as any I’ve had in the USA)
staff…10 (treat the troops right and they’ll love you)
That’s all for this week. Semper Fi.