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kim jong il Uncategorized

What's in the Nightstand?

(l and g, i find this facinating. i think the net should do more confessional list posts. since the page is defunct, i would like to describe the content of my, bernest’s, nightstand-
a small lamp with a perpetually burnt out bulb, two books about minature kite making, an empty snack wrapper which i think was some sort of dried eel/pepper mixture, two coffee cups and a large bust of somebodies mother mary which had it’s nose partially chipped off in transit. seems i keep the good stuff elsewhere? B.E.)
What’s in the Nightstand?

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in and out Uncategorized

MSN-Mainichi Daily News: WaiWai

(L and G,
i thought this was so important i posted the entire article. if true this could change the bellies of millions, if not…..what better way to fail. now what about the fairer sex? i volunteer to run a preliminary study with any interested ladies. B.E.)
Wanking your way to weight loss
My gosh, nearly six months have gone by since the year-end party season, but you haven’t done anything to trim off those excess pounds. As a result, your belt is running out of notches and your bottom is starting to sag over the edge of chairs at the restaurants where you stuff your face. It’s time, Dr. Hideo Yamanaka tells Weekly Playboy (June 15), for guys to start doing something about it. Yamanaka, director of the Toranomon-Hibiya Clinic, offers a weight reduction that he’s convinced guarantees results.
Follow his “masturbation diet” regimen, and you’ll soon be able to squeeze back into those hip-hugging jeans and impressing the gals with your svelte figure.
“Ejaculation raises the basic metabolism of muscles and consumes calories,” the doctor says. “With fewer calories, subcutaneous fat is consumed, and making it easier to trim down.
“But,” the doctor goes on, “there’s no point in ordinary activity. An ordinary young person would have to do it 100 more times a month for it to have any effect.”
Gosh, says Weekly Playboy. That’s three times a day he’s talking about.
“Actully more like four or five, if you’re really serious,” remarks Yamauchi. “For each 2 kilos of body weight, you’d need to squeeze out 2 liters of semen.”
Gomesu Yamada, a journalist covering the pink trade, wags his head in agreement.
“It’s hard enough just to spurt so often, but to get the full benefits of aerobic exercise, it’s necessary for the process to be maintained for at least 15 minutes before ejaculation occurs. We have named this activity ‘Onani-bics.’ ”
“Onani” a common Japanese term for masturbation refers to Onan, the Biblical figure who was destroyed for “spilling his seed on the ground.”
Gomesu claims he has knowledge of people who have actually managed to slim down through a regular regimen of Onanibics.
“Guys who made their motto, ‘At least one good tug a day’ have managed to lose as much as 4 kilograms in a week,” he grins.
Rather than indulge in boring generalizations, Weekly Playboy then lists the average pulse rates and calories consumed while combining masturbation with various forms of exercise. “Abdominal muscle onanism” (sit-ups), for example, if performed for 15 minutes, will consume 61 kilocalories; “back strength onanism” (reverse sit ups), just 22 kilocalories; push-ups, 95 kilocalories; deep knee squats, 89 kilocalories; pole climbing, 72 kilocalories; and so-called “Ona-hole jogging” (an activity obviously not for beginners), 204 kilocalories.
A tubby 55-year-old writer named Koyamamyama, who tips the scales at 100 kilograms, had an even better idea. Deciding he might as well have some fun in the process, he headed for red-light districts around he capital. First he dropped in at a porno video parlor in Shinjuku, where DVDs (and hand play) can be enjoyed in private viewing rooms (cost: 1,300 yen). His next stop was a peep show, where, again in a private cubicle, he could watch a young nude girl feign her own efforts at, er, weight reduction (admission: 2,000 yen). This was followed by a visit to an “image club,” where the climax of the session included a climax (5,000 yen). After several other workout sessions in Ikebukuro and Ueno, he ended his session at a “roshutsu kurabu” (exposure club) in Shibuya, where, for a layout of 15,000 yen, a young lady joined him in a private cubicle, disrobed, and energetically masturbated herself to orgasm — while he did the same.
These efforts during a total of four hours of sexual activities came to 43,800 yen, consumption tax included. Did they help? Slightly. Koyamamyama’s weight declined from 104.2 kilograms to 102.6. His muscle-to-fat ratio improved from 31.2 percent to 31.8; and his overall body fat ratio fell 0.8 percent.
Well then, guys, how about it, exhorts Weekly Playboy. If you want to get in shape for this summer, then let’s give it a good tug! Make that several tugs!
MSN-Mainichi Daily News: WaiWai

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Uncategorized

Polluted Places: All By Region

(greetings ladies and gentleman,
while mr. damitio is on hiatus at the burning fellow conference, i, bernest, will indeed be out in cyberexistence, looking for all things happening or horny. pollution is happening and it’s not so horny, so come on nominate your favorite dump, i am nominating my neighbor steve. this site uses strange terminology to describe the horrors of chemical waste… it almost sounds fun! oh and enjoy a trip to wal-mart on your fellow earthling. nothings free. B.E.)
Polluted Places: All By Region

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Uncategorized

Off to Burning Man

bmcamper
Leaving Hawaii today to go to Burning Man. The future is uncertain but certainly kinetic. While I’m gone, hopefully Bernest and S-Dog will keep you entertained. Worst case scenario is nothing gets posted for the next two weeks. In the big scheme of things, that really isn’t all that bad, is it?
cd

Categories
The Life Aloha Uncategorized

You've been on Kauai too long if…

(I’m not real sure what this says, but it makes me laugh…sort of. Thanks to Haika for sending it to me…cd)
You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a flyswatter.
Your property could be mistaken for a recycling center.
Your car has not left the yard in 15 years.
You burn your yard rather than mow it.
Your last family get together was in a court room.
You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don’t want it.
You come back from the dump with more than you took.
You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
Your roommate can climb a tree faster than your cat.
You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
You’ve bathed with flea and tick soap.
You’ve been involved in a custody fight over a rooster.
Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.
You think a hot tub is a stolen indoor plumbing fixture.
You have a rag for a gas cap.
You’ve boinked somebody in the VD clinic.
You wonder how the gas stations keep their restrooms so clean.
You can spit without opening your mouth.
Your goal is to own a fireworks stand.
You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side.
The biggest city you’ve ever been in a year is the Lihue.
Your neighbors think you’re a detective because a cop always brings you home.
You’ve used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.

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Uncategorized

FuknPodcast #17

fpc17
On this podcast:
Borbor Bele by Sierra Leonin artist Emmerson
Talk Story with old Hawaii residents
Fiddling on the roof of the White House
and random Chris Damitio commentary….
Fuknpodcast 17

Categories
big screen, little screen, ipod colonial legacies

Sierra Leonin Music…Emerson

(This is a cd that Kate brought back for me from Sierra Leone. I dig it. Check out the tracks at the link below and buy a copy. Support artists worldwide…cd)
borbor
Emmerson has been compared to Fela Kuti of Nigeria, and seeks to emulate the likes of Nelson Mandela of South Africa and Kwame Nkruma of Ghana. “Borbor Bele”, released in January 2005, is the title of Emmerson’s long-awaited debut album. Borbor Bele features ten songs including the #1 hit singles, U go si am, which received a Premier Music Award 2004 nomination for Best Single; Sugar Meresin – which is one for the ladies – and the title track, Borbor Bele, which received unprecedented airplay, by public demand, during the early promotion of the album. An attempt was made to ban the title track, ‘Borbor Bele’ from the airwaves in Sierra Leone. Why? Well, a ‘Borbor Bele’ can be described as a corrupt civil servant or non-governmental organisation employee who steals public resources. And there are quite a few ‘Borbor Beles’ about! They control government coffers and with Sierra Leone being a donor driven economy, Borbor Bele’s also control huge donor funds. Emmerson loves nothing better than meeting his fans. His inspiration comes from musicians like Fela, Brenda Fassie, whose influence is apparent in ‘Tutu Pati’ a great party song on ‘Borbor Bele’. How would Emmerson like to be remembered? As a patriotic citizen of Sierra Leone and Africa who made a contribution to eradicating corruption and as the most entertaining musician of his era!
Orthentik Records. Promoting Sierra Leonean MusicWorld Wide

Categories
people that get paid for endorsements

Ali G Punks Pammy?

(My favorite Ali G is either “Throw the Jew down the well” or his interview with C. Everett Koop…cd)
alig
Booyakasha! Ali G has apparently struck again.
For his latest stunt, the HBO comedian, whose real name is
Sacha Baron Cohen, crashed the wedding of
Pamela Anderson’s pooches–and crashed into Anderson herself.
As caught on film by the Los Angeles-based photo agency X-17 and recounted by British newspapers, Anderson was on the beach in Malibu on Aug. 17 reportedly presiding over a “marriage ceremony” between her two dogs, a golden retriever named Star and the Chihuahua Luca. (Let’s hope that honeymoon video doesn’t leak out on the Internet.)
Enter what appears to be Cohen, on an inflatable turtle raft and in the guise of one of his characters, Kazakhstani journalist Borat Sagdiyev. He landed on the shore and ambushed the 38-year-old Baywatch-er, literally knocking her over. The X-17 pictures of the encounter show the man, which the agency identifies as Cohen, being dragged back out to sea by Anderson’s unamused security detail.
Reps for Anderson refused comment Tuesday on either the takedown or the doggy wedding. Neither did HBO nor Cohen’s person publicist, Matt Labov.
It’s not immediately clear whether Cohen was invited to the event, or if he simply crashed it in the hopes of using the footage in his upcoming third season of the Emmy-nominated Da Ali G Show.
HBO reps have been characteristically tight-lipped about filming this year. With his show’s popularity growing, it has become tougher for Cohen to carry out his pranks.
New York magazine reported last month that Cohen was having a difficult time fooling anyone in Manhattan when he boarded a New York subway as Borat. Per the July 11 report, Cohen was “recognized almost instantly” as he introduced himself as the fictional journalist speaking broken English and trying to kiss “surprised men.”
A recent New York Times feature noted the 34-year-old funnyman is “finding it more difficult to find targets for often offensive questions he poses to unsuspecting politicians” like Georgia Congressman Jack Kingston, who initially agreed to an interview only to back out when an aide hip to Cohen’s shtick tipped off his boss.
Cohen is giving his beloved Borat character a workout this year. In addition to the new season of Da Ali G Show, Cohen is working on Borat: The Movie, a mockumentary on Kazakhstan’s sixth most popular journo, which is due in 2006 and is being directed by Seinfeld alumnus and Curb Your Enthusiasm executive producer Larry Charles. He also stepped away from his Ali G characters to voice a lemur in the hit summer ‘toon Madagascar.
While Cohen can clearly dish out the harassment, he may not be able to take it. The comic actor reportedly lashed out at veteran celebrity photographer Richard Corkey last month as the shutterbug tried to snap a photo of the comedian and his fiancee, Australian-bred actress
Isla Fisher, at an after-party following the Manhattan premiere of the Wedding Crashers, in which she costars.
Newspaper accounts said Cohen put the photographer in a chokehold and berated him for not asking permission to snap away.
Corkey is still deciding whether to file civil charges stemming from the dust-up.

Categories
in and out Oddities

There will be 'nun' of that dirty dancing!

(Personally, I would think of becoming Catholic if more Nuns were willing to wrap their legs around me…cd)
nun
BRUSSELS (Reuters) – A Belgian nun’s acrobatic and indecorous dancing with a missionary during the Catholic World Youth Day in Germany over the weekend earned her a reprimand from her mother superior, a Belgian paper said Tuesday.
Daily Het Laatste Nieuws showed pictures of a dancing Johanne Vertommen being held up in the air by the missionary, and then clinging to him with her legs wrapped around his body.
“I wouldn’t do this at home but at such occasions I get carried away by the enthusiasm of the group,” the 29-year-old told the paper later.
“My mother superior raised the issue today: she thinks I should watch out a bit and bear in mind that I represent our community,” Vertommen said.
Pope Benedict attended the celebration at the Marienfeld, outside Cologne, in the presence of some 700,000 people.

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Uncategorized

There's More Work to Do for Longer Lives and Better Health – New York Times

(right on…KG)
js
A Conversation With Jeremiah Stamler
There’s More Work to Do for Longer Lives and Better Health
By JANE E. BRODY
Published: August 23, 2005
Dr. Jeremiah Stamler’s name is synonymous with preventive cardiology.
Since the late 1940’s, Dr. Stamler, professor emeritus and founding chairman of the department of preventive medicine at Northwestern University’s medical school in Chicago, has been at the forefront of efforts to identify the risk factors for cardiovascular diseases and establish the concept that heart disease, strokes and sudden cardiac deaths can be prevented through measures people can control – better diets, regular exercise and not smoking.
Last year alone, Dr. Stamler, who is 85, published 10 journal articles and monographs, adding to the nearly 1,100 publications bearing his name as author or co-author in his long and influential career. Showing no signs of quitting, Dr. Stamler said in an interview in his Manhattan apartment that there was more work to be done if Americans were going to live long lives in good health.
There’s More Work to Do for Longer Lives and Better Health – New York Times