A NOTICE TO ALL YOUNG MEN
Russia is drafting young men. Who are all those young men going to fight? Maybe they are going to fight you! That’s right. The military is hard pressed to fight two air wars and maintain worldwide bases. There is good news though. For the first time in recent history the U.S. military has lowered requirements for getting into the service. You no longer have to be a high school graduate. World War III and you could be right at the front of it all. You might even end up being the last one alive, in the battle or the world. Just think, you’ll get to fight in a war. A real war like your great granddad fought in. Of course it’ll be as ugly as Grandpas Vietnam. It’s already been named for you. World War III. At least we’ve given up naming them things like “ The war to end all wars”. You may have ideas about running to Canada and evading the draft, but guess what? Canada is a member of NATO!! You’ll get to Canada and be sent to the war. Just imagine , when you’re older you’ll get pay for PTSD ( post traumatic stress disorder) , gulf war syndrome, various injuries, or mental illness, just like all those Vietnam Vets who haunt dirty bars all over America. Don’t worry though, you’re fighting for a good cause. You will be killing people in order to stop people from killing each other. As a veteran of the Marine Corps, let me tell you what a few good men will get to experience in training. I was in bootcamp during The Gulf War, so training was intense, we expected a long war.
PhaseI: Sleep deprivation, endless signing of forms, all your hair shaved off, clothes taken, given uniforms, no talking, heavy physical punishment, creation of victim mentality a’ la holocaust
PhaseII:Heavy physical training, more responsibility, allowed some hair, the carrot is dangled, weopons training, comaradarie builds
Phase III: Responsibility taken away, heads shaved, heavy discipline, intense physical training to the point of body failure, graduation, pride in accomplishment and all it represents, even if you previously disagreed completely.
It only takes 16 weeks. Now you’re off to fight in a war you believe in. I came out of bootcamp talking about sandniggers and raghead motherfuckers. New prejudices given to me so I could kill easier. Luckily the war was over before they could send me. I would have gone then, gladly. It took me years to find my way to my own beliefs after the brainwashing and indoctrination my country gave me. I still get confused about it.
You’ll get stories to tell around the campfire of civilization. It makes me a little sad as I see you young men riding skateboards, eyeing young women, and causing mischief on Railroad Avenue . You will probably die in a war. You’re the ones we’ll send first. You’ll be the first to die. I just thought you should know.
Y2K/ WWIII WEOPON TIP #1
The world is quickly heading to hell in a hand basket. I find myself prepared for whatever should come my way. Truly. I am trained by one of the worlds foremost military forces. My mother trained my siblings and I to be world class outdoor survivalists. I’m familiar with several methods of hand to hand combat as well as handheld, vehicle mounted, and vehicle mounted weopon systems. I’ve been really poor most of my life, so I’m a master scavenger. Someone suggested that I pass some of my vast survival knowledge on to those who may need it real soon…all of you.
HOW TO THROW A HANDGRENADE. 1. Determine the type of handgrenade. If it’s round it’ s probably a fragmentation grenade, these explode into schrapnel. If it’s a cylinder it’s probably an incenidary device, these are used for burning through things. If it’s egg shaped it’s most likely for illumination, these are used to provide light for work or signaling. If it’s a cannister it is probably gas, it could be a few different kinds. 2.Grip the grenade firmly in your fist holding the safety lever firmly down under your thumb, while placing your fore finger near the top of the grenade. 3. Hook the finger of your other hand through the pin. 4. Pull the pin out by twisting and pulling. 5. Point your free arm where you would like the grenade to go. Throw the grenade and step forward to follow through. 6. Watch the Grenade as you dive to the ground. It is important to hit the ground quickly to protect yourself from the grenade and whoever is probably shooting at you. Handgrenades are not for kids in this country although we’ve had kids in other countries throw all kinds of bombs at our military. It is important to practice. Practice grenades can be bought at most surplus stores. You should be able to throw it about 25 yards, because that’s about how far you want to be from it when it explodes. Most grenades will explode 4 to 7 seconds after the safety lever is released. Once it is released, it’s going to explode. You release the safety when you release hold of the grenade. The lever should fly with the grenade. Go see Saving Private Ryan if you want to see what a greande does to a human body.
HATEMAIL OF THE WEEK
B’hamblin man, Bumblin idjit is more like it. In a recent article you said most homeless people are homeless by choice. You also said you’d let two albanian muslims stay in your house. Why not let a couple of homeless Aids patients, heroin addicts, or mentally ill people from Bellingham. You’re a hippocrit and full of shit. Bob Andrews.
Bob, I’ll stand by my views. There are very few people in this country with no options. Food Stamps, Welfare, The Food Bank, Shelters, Missions, Soup Kitchens, Churches, and Relief organizations give people many options, many of them forbid drugs or alcohol. That is the homeless persons choice. I hope you get some medication. It’s your decision.