17 Other Things We Can Do With/To Dick Cheney

Because impeachment is a groundless pipedream.
17. Laugh, and slip a vibrating dildo into his suitcase just before he leaves for a far away land full of disgruntled US Troops who eagerly await his cheery, if not sneery, pep talks.
16. “Conversions to Islam,” free with purchase of every American Flag from your local immigrant owned and operated corner store.
15. Murder 78-year-old Harry Whittington in his sleep and leave note “last time I missed,” stuffed into gaping, lifeless, mouth.
14. Introduce his lesbian daughter to Rosie “Nimble-tongue” O’Donnell.
13. Sneak copy of US Constitution under Oval Office door and highlight the passages which state role as Commander in Chief and by extension, superior rank over the Office of the Vice President.
12. Jerk off AIPAC in it’s entirety, thus beating him to the punch and robbing him of his total net worth to that cash groveling beast.
11. Bobble-head bin Laden!, just in time for Christmas, replete with “Bombed There, Escaped That” t-shirt!
10. Tell him that due to the threat posed to the “Homeland” by Cancer, his testicles will have to be removed, and locked away in an undisclosed location interminably with no possibility for recourse whatsoever.
9. Likewise, in the face of sky rocketing automobile accidents, his, and the drivers licenses of similar middle-aged white men who may or may not be susceptible to developing a drinking problem, must be revoked for life.
8. And due to the threat posed to himself by his faulty heart, what’s left of it will also have to be removed.
7. Openly question both his commitment and patriothood.
6. Leak rumor on internet that his estate is the real Area 51, and that it houses the remains of extra terrestrials, comatose Elvis, and Hitler. Sit back and watch 10 percent of the nut-job population try to again and again crack Cheney’s crusty outer wall.
5. Stamp feet, hold breathe, point repeatedly to him and the Exit, flip him the odd bird.
4. Rape him with a crowbar in the backseat of an Army Humvee and rendition his ass back to the US Senate were he can reign as President all he likes so long as he never returns to the White House ever again. Not even on the guided tour.
3. Rape him again, just for fun.
2. Give him a puppy for Christmas, wait six months, then come back and boil it, alive, right in front of him. While he’s laughing, pants him. Take a picture and Digg it.
1. Blog to your hearts discontent! That’ll show the bastard!